We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize