i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
