waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
