I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize