is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
