I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
