I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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