This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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