Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
