yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
