Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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