Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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