okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
