If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
