Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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