my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
its not stalking. its research.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize