My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My ATM looks so different sober.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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