it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
