I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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