We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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