Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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