I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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