Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
