what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
