Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
