We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize