he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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