I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
