i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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