I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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