I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
