when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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