I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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