So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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