thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize