Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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