Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
