dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
