I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
