So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
