I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
