New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
