I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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