Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
