I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ladies don't puke and tell
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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