the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
