dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
