it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
