can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
