At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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