i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
