the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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