Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
