Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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