one might say we're banned from that church
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
