So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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