why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
