Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
