You just made me feel so damn special
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize