your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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