That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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