I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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