So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
