woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
