To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
