She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
