what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
