By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
