My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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