you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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