they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
