Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
